I don’t really get the Emo thing…poor loves just need a good cuddle, a session at Auntie May’s hair salon and a free makeup lesson…  but this is a top rant  (and a long one -this girl is very upset!) from  a real live (so far so good – we get far too many of them on Ward C!)  Emo gal who doesn’t understand why everyone hates Emos and wants Emos kids and Gangstas to hold hands.  Good idea!

But  do you think this Emo thing is a cult?  A fad?  A Poor Fashion Statement?  All I know is that too many Emo adopt lemming like characteristics and too many teenagers kill themselves for no tangible reasons. Time to cut those fringes and  say Goodbye to that!

Or could you be a high level suspected Terrorist?

The Fly who Spies for Goodbye, OOBuzz..zz, has just made contact with the Goodbye office. Here is his un-coded message. We thought you might want to know.

Having spent the past few months stuck between a fly screen and glass window, I was finally able to weave a tiny hole through the net and enter the most secret of CIA rooms. The ‘do not enter, top secret, for someone else’s eyes only’ kind of room. The kind of room that held the secret dossiers used to convince the Americans and the British to go to war in Iraq. Surprisingly, I found a lot of Harvard University PHD dossiers  there too.Anyway, here it is. What the CIA has shared with MI5 and other secret service agencies across the world. This is what they are using to identify terrorists at airports, in the street, via bugs, wire taps and spies. Do you fit the profile? (I’ve changed the interrogation list – aka- survey- a little by using the first person, e.g. ‘do you’ rather than ‘does the suspect’ for a  less invasive test)

High level suspected terrorist threats. The signs:

1. Do you have olive skin, a beard, moustache or an Arabic name?

2. Do you have a B in your name?

3. Do you have a B in your Bonnet?

4. Do you prefer to refer to the situation in Iraq as a ‘war’ or an ‘invasion’?

5. Did you support the above mentioned ‘situation’ in Iraq?

6. Does it make you ‘angry’ when you see family’s destroyed, home’s torn apart and women and children killed due to the above mentioned situation?

7. Does it make you think if you were in that situation and lost everything because a country entered yours and bombed it a lot, that you might have the urge to ‘fight back’?

8. Have you ever participated in a street demonstration, peaceful or otherwise?

9. Do you have Communist, Fascist, Socialist, Muslimist, Extremist or any other ‘ist’ tendencies? (Capitalist tendencies acceptable).

10. Do you hold anything against leaders or political pesonnel of the free world, past or present, with the following names: Rumsfeld, Cheney, Bush, or any present leaders with a B in their names? (i.e; Berlusconi, Blair, Brown, Barack).

11. Have you ever been to a non English speaking country and can you speak a language other than English?

12. Do you ‘not’ support military actions in Afghanistan, Iraq and anywhere else in the ‘fight against terrorism?’

13. Are you a non white immigrant, legal or illegal,  residing in the United States?

14. If you were the leader of the free world, would you: A)  send thousands of inexperienced new troops to Afghanistan to make the people feel safer or B)  send aid for schooling, healthcare and infrastructure to win over the hearts and minds of the people?

15. Have you ever succeeded in completing any science experiment involving an explosion? (School children to be included in this interrogation. You can’t trust anyone).

If you answered yes to 6 or more of the above or A) to Qn 14, you may well be on CIA’s Terrorist Suspect Hit List. So beware. And I the Fly suggest checking your phone for bugs.

Note: We at the Goodbye headquarters have tested the above, either directly on citizens or indirectly on statsemen/women (according to their recorded words and/or actions), and have found the following results that you might find interesting:

Suspected terrorists:

A lot of Mums, Dads, Kids, Grannies and Gramps.

A lot of ex and present military personnel.

A lot of Brits and Americans

Claire Short, Alistair Cook: MPS that stood down over Tony’s Iraq.

Not a Terrorist so not to be concerned with:

Tony Blair, George W Bush, Vladimir Putin and Berlusconi – many statesmen in fact. Barack Obama at present excluded, though many of his answers would have pleased the CIA and let him off the hook.

As of late I’ve been buzzin around the globe chattin with my mates in fly cells in Oz. And they’ve kindly passed on some handy hints on how to deal with politicians talking faff!

In the news, politicians are always putting forward their angle to the press with their followers behind always nodding away madly. It’s enough to make you wanna swat them! Or even worse during election time they send out ‘their people’ to protest against the opposition, calling the press first of course or there’s no point. Notice they always seem to have the same signs?’

Wouldn’t it be nice if the news around election time was more honest, or at least presented in such a way that we the viewers could see a more balanced approach to what these so called leaders of society are postulating in your name?

Once again the ‘Chasers Boys’ down under have come up with a novel approach to adding a little more balance and interest to the normal dull political rant.

I the Fly advise members of the public, wherever in the world you may be, to get in with the ‘anti nod-shake take’ in the background, whenever possible.

That’s right, hide in the background – but close enough to get on camera – and let loose with your opinion via gesture. Buzz around like a fly over a horse’s dung and apply manic head shaking gestures where you deem appropriate. After all these politicians are supposed to be representing the people so shouldn’t you have a bit of say?

I have an idea! Instead of the usual cool ‘flash mob’ break into dance in public places (see second video below), why not the  ‘Flash Shake Take’ gesture break? Cause public places, and we are finding less and less of them, should be ours and we should take them back!

Flash Mob.  Rome, Termini Train Station.

Politics Explained

Politics Explained Image by mhaithaca via Flickr

(stolen  and adapted from the Illuminati site who stole it and adapted it from someone else  – hey that’s politics for you!)

Feudalism:

You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

FEUDALISM: Watch Out Son, He's Finished His Pint Now He's After Yours! by N8ster via Flickr

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need. DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a b

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

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